Our thanks to Keith Giles for sharing these ideas! www.KeithGiles.com

SEVEN PATHS TO NOWHERE

-IDOLIZING THE BUILDING. Do you spend an excessive portion of your time and money on creating the campus, developing its attachments or maintaining your inherited monument? It’s the people who are the Temple of the Holy Spirit.

-MISREPRESENTING THE TITHE. The tithe should not be compulsory. All offerings should be voluntary and freely given if one wishes and is also able. The first 700 years of Christianity saw no mandatory scheme for determining offerings. We learn from the Bible that gifts of any size are of spiritual value

-IGNORING THE POOR. God’s heart is open to the poor and the outcast. We are expected to also bless and love the poor among us. Matthew 25 tells us that the sheep will be divided from the goats on the basis of how they cared for the poor they encountered in life.

-GLORIFYING THE PASTOR. The Pastor was not the head of the church in the New Testament. The epistles were not addressed to a pastor but to the people themselves. The temple, the priesthood and the sacrifice are all important to the worship of God. In the New Testament the people themselves are the temple, the priesthood and the daily sacrifice.

-YEARNING FOR POLITICAL POWER. New Testament Christians found themselves surrounded by a hostile pagan government. They did not form coalitions. They did not resort to or condone violence. They did not force legislation through lobbying. Instead, they turned the world upside down by imitating their Lord Jesus Christ.

-BEING BUSINESS MINDED. In the New Testament, the Church is called a Bride, a Family and a Spiritual House but never a business judged by business standards.

-DISCIPLE MAKING OR CONVERT PRODUCING? Counting hands at expensive pageants and plays may produce a list of new converts but where is the attention to the real work of turning converts into disciples? Conversion isn’t a touchdown. It’s the whistle that starts the game.

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One of the hardest parts of being the pastor in a church that is struggling to define a new future is knowing when to back off and let go, thereby giving the congregation the freedom to discern for themselves where God is calling them to go. It is a lot like parenting in a way — you teach and preach and model every ounce of sense, faith and good-heartedness and then you have to let them go and figure the rest of it out on their own. In the church, there is no room for the stage mother pastor, who waits and watches and participates in every move the congregation makes, individually and collectively. This leave the people unequipped for a true ministry of their own. There is no place in ministry for the “I know better than you ever will” minister who genuinely feels that his or her ideas and vision are the “right” ones and if the congregation will just do what they say, everything will be fine. The worst version of that is the pastor who cooks up an idea of where the church should go and begins driving them there without consulting the intelligent, faithful, capable members who keep the church going week-to-week and year to year. The vision of “one”, even if it is the spiritual leader of the family of faith, is not enough to move a whole church onto a united and exciting path.

Recently, I had a conversation with a parish pastor who has a startling and fantastic new vision for his church. After listening for a while, I said, “Wow. This is COOL! The congregation must be thrilled to be moving in such an exciting direction!”

Without batting an eyelash, the pastor said matter-of-factly, “Oh, they don’t know about it yet.” To me, this is totally exasperating. Pastor or not, it’s not your job to drive the bus and just expect everybody to hop on right away because you’re the one with the map. In fact, it seems to me, that that trip is a journey to nowhere. The map for the future has to be drawn by the people. The pastor must have enough confidence in those people to guide them and listen to them and help them, but not claim his/her vision is the only viable path. As this man and I continued the conversation, I came to learn that he planned to keep his vision a “secret” until he felt they were ready for it. How can these folks trust a pastor whose ministry is based on keeping secrets in order to keep all the power to himself? Why not share his ideas and get everybody on board? Why not put it all out there and let the inevitable dissent happen, as the congregation grapples with the proffered vision. Because then and only then will it become a vision of the congregation and not just for the minister.

The former pastor of the church to which we belong, United Congregational UCC, knew we had to make some huge decisions about the future. She led us all through a three-year discernment process during which she prayed with us, talked with us, shared her ideas not only as leader, but as a member of the body. She allowed us and even encouraged us to wander down some ridiculous paths, but believed in us enough to know that we would bring ourselves back and finally get on a good path. I suspect she knew, through her own prayer and discernment, where we were going to end up, and she may have tossed out a thought in that direction a time or two, but mostly, she listened to us, and trusted us to listen to God. She had the self-confidence to allow us come to our own conclusions, even of some of those might leave her without a job.

I think the most amazing and empowering thing Pastor Terry did was that she put what she believed God wanted above what she wanted. She did not see herself as a high priest telling us what we should do. She saw herself as a member of the household of God with us, in mutual ministry and care for the church and for all of God’ people. She understood that the only vision that has the power to move people forward is the one that comes directly from God, but is rooted in the depths of the community, not just the hands of their pastor.

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Is your family weird?

Yeah, mine too.

Isn’t it true that just about everybody’s family is weird, maladjusted, manipulative or downright crazy at some time in some way? So, how is it that we wax poetic about the church being a “family” and somehow expect that that means everyone in our romanticized version of the church “family” will always behave well, act compassionately and conduct themselves appropriately because, after all, it’s a family. In our heart of hearts, we know this does not make any sense, and I suspect that part of the truth is we look to our church to provide us with the love and tranquility we thought our own family should have provided, but did not. The problem with this is that when the church begins acting like a true family with all its flaws and foibles and faults, then we are doubly disappointed and even angrier than when our actual family lets us down, because we expected people of God to do better.

When I was a kid, before I ever considered going into the ministry, I grew up in a lovely church where the people, by and large, seemed friendly enough, even to a little kid. It was a gorgeous sanctuary and I was raised on the stories of how my Grandmother and Grandfather met in those very pews, and what it was like when my Mom and Dad were married there. In many ways, it was an idyllic place to spend Sunday mornings.

Until… a group within the congregation decided the pastor should just go away. He had worn out his usefulness, they claimed, and the church needed to give him his walking papers. Others in the congregation, of course, believed that the current pastor was “a gem”. So maybe he wasn’t the most exciting preacher in the world, but he was good to them when they were sick or grieving. They believed Reverend J. should stay.

The year I took confirmation class at age 14, the disagreement came to a head. I remember sitting with a confirmation friend in the sanctuary as people we had known and respected all our lives began screaming at one another about what to do with the Reverend, as he stood in the front humiliated. The usher who always called me by name every Sunday morning and made sure I had a bulletin of my own, stood up red-faced and shouted at the individual who was running the meeting. Someone else, popped up out of their seat — my old second grade Sunday school teacher — she swore and stormed out of the church and we never did see Mrs. Smith again.

My friend and I were flabbergasted to see these normally calm, lovely people behave so abominably.* I was dismayed and disillusioned. I though the church couldn’t act like this. It was a family, after all. Peace and respect should abound in God’s family, right?

However, it did not. The senior pastor was meanly and mercilessly forced to resign with more rancor than was necessary, and the congregation was shaken to its foundation by the incident. In retrospect, I think most of them knew enough to be ashamed of their behavior. I believe that somewhere deep inside, they knew Reverend J wasn’t a bad fellow, just not what they wanted. But to treat him so brutally and send him away so incredibly wounded was unfair and unnecessary. How could a family treat one of its members this way?

Yet, over the years, I have realized that Norman Rockwell’s’ version of family life is pretty to look at but completely unrealistic, even when we’re talking about the “Body of Christ.” The way my church family acted is exactly the way actual families so often act. We hurt each other and disrespect each other. We abuse one another in myriad ways. We are astoundingly unforgiving and without compassion for the least little struggle another family member might have.

So the truth is, that the church is a family – yes. But not in that romanticized, idealized way. For better or worse, the church is a typical family unit: We love each other the best we know how and sometimes we’re terribly clumsy about it, and oftentimes, we fall short of a heavenly existence together.

Two lessons come to mind. First, if we expect a church family to be a Norman Rockwell portrait, we set ourselves and our children up to be bitterly disappointed. Secondly, as church members we need to be aware of how our words and actions impact the children and teenagers in our midst. Seeing a church family meltdown can scar a young believer, or believer-to-be, for the rest of their lives. Can’t we do better than that?

* The belief that church should do better than this is one of the things that drove me into the ministry.

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We all know the routine when it comes to church meetings. Whether it’s a meeting to discuss next year’s Sunday School curriculum or a heart wrenching meeting to discuss the future of your church, we can often predict other’s approaches to a discussion.

For better or worse – you know that Joe (the resident curmudgeon) will “harumph” over whatever is said. You know that Sally is talking just to hear herself. Fred will threaten to leave the room if people don’t see it “his way.” Tricia will rattle on and you know, just know, she has a personal agenda. Dick will sit back and not say anything throughout the meeting and then come up with a zinger of “But, have you considered . . .” just when everyone is tired and ready to go home.

If you’ve been with your congregation for a long time – been through a lot with your fellow parishioners – you can pretty much anticipate the direction some meeting participants will take.

You think “I  gotta love ‘em.”   But the truth is, we sometimes don’t really like them at all. There’s a line between participants in a congregational meeting being productive and a congregational gathering that is stuck – and annoying.

I suspect many a congregation has lost it’s battle for survival because they can’t get out of their own predictable ways – and because – sadly – they end up not liking each other very much. Making tough decisions is never easy – and if you throw in a growing lack of respect for each other, it’s just about impossible.

So what do you do?
• Look at yourself first. Are you the curmudgeon, the self server, the emotional blackmailer? Honestly – are you part of the problem? – do you contribute to your church’s inability to make decisions?

• Consider your depth of attachment to those dear, but frustrating people. Can you overlook their foibles? If you care enough to stay with the process, be patient, listen and try to be the voice of reason.

• Decide if you love your fellow church members enough to stay committed to them and the process. If you are sitting in meetings and seething the whole time, you’re pretty much wasting your time. If familiarity has truly bred contempt – perhaps it’s time to leave.

• Before you make a decision about abandoning your church because of the behavior of others, consider that they are only human. They are just like every other church member in every other church – and every other gathering of human beings.

• Get someone to help run the important meetings. In theory, your pastor should be a good facilitator. But sometimes the pastor is part of the problem. Sometimes a third party facilitator is needed to break deadlocks.

• Always remember that God is with you – and them – in this process.

Time and again, Gretchen and I will be talking to someone about our book and hear, “Well, my church is doing okay, but that poor church down the street could sure use some help. . . “  Or – “The church my cousin goes to is really struggling to survive.” Since the publication of Finishing with Grace, one of our frustrations has been finding churches in transition.  We have contacted denominational leadership, we have lead workshops, we have sent releases to newspaper religion editors and we have taken out ads.

That all works, but nothing works as well as hearing you say: “Have you heard about ________ – they could really use Finishing with Grace.”

Finishing with Grace is meant to be a guidebook – a support during the many stages of going through a church transition.  Feedback on the book is always positive.  It has made a difference for churches as they deal with change.  It has also proved invaluable as churches seek specific steps and actions around selling, merging, closing, moving and so on.

We need your help.  We need to know about that church down the street – your cousins church in New Mexico – that struggling church you read about in the newspaper.

We want to get  the word out about Finishing with Grace.  We want to help churches as they deal with sadness and struggle with difficult decisions.    Please contact us at info@finishingwithgrace.com with the names of churches down the street – we’ll take it from there.

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Post by
Gretchen Switzer

Co-Author of “Finishing With Grace”

Since I first read Tom Ehrich’s blog on the “Ten Signs of  Fear-Driven Church,” his words have been rattling around in my mind and my heart.  Questions abound.  Here, I’ll be exploring some of my own questions and hope you will send yours along for Linda and me to address.

My first observation about Tom’s ideas of fear-driven churches is that when you are part of a congregation who is guided by fear, it is very hard to see, because you are in the middle of it yourself, and likely a victim of the fear all round you.   It’s kind of like looking around at your family when you’re a kid and trying to define the unique dysfunction that inhabits it. You may be able to spot some of the signs, but accurate self-diagnosis leading to effective change is virtually impossible.   Seeing your congregation as it truly is requires you to set aside your own agenda, and to take the rose-colored glasses off your face and put them down, in order to see clearly.  Discerning fear in your life together also requires you to be truly honest with yourself   and with others as well.  This is not always easy, especially in the church, because we think we cannot hurt anyone’s feelings.  However, God calls us to be truth-tellers and truth-accepters.  We have to be willing to see what is really going on and name it aloud, even at the risk of others anger, hurt or reprisal.    The use of a consultant or a transitional pastor who comes into the congregation with no set agenda and no vested interest in the outcome will often have clearer vision,  but if people are unwilling to hear the truth from each other, how much more unwilling will we be to accept the observations of somebody “new.”    Still, a perceived “outsider” may have more luck pointing out the troubles in your congregation in such a way that folks will be willing to, as Tom writes, “name it, seek help for it, engage other sin confronting fear, do something bold and audacious, and see that fear is a distortion of what is real.”

“Fear  is a distortion of what is real.”   When we really get into trouble with fear, when it becomes paralyzing, is when we believe that what we fear is a reality.  For instance, a congregation endures the trauma of a sexually abusive, inappropriate pastor who makes unwelcome advances or even has illicit relationships with members of the congregation.  Even if that individual is found out, punished, fired, and goes away, the fear that that kind of thing will happen again is so palpable that we can begin to think that any pastor who we might call to our church will do the same thing.  We are so fearful that we do not just worry that something might happen. We expect it to happen, or believe it is happening even if it is not.  So fear can distort what is real, and take on more power than what actually is true.

My overarching response to Tom’s discussion of the “Fear-Driven Church” is to ask myself, what is the opposite of fear?  If our church is not fearful, what will it look like and feel like?  Tom makes a quick reference to it when he says that “fear undermines…confidence.”  If fear makes us worry, then what is it that makes us not worry?  The answer is confidence.  Confidence is the opposite of fear.  And I would add
that we are not just talking about confidence in other human beings or confidence in the future or confidence that we are strong enough to withstand any problem.  I am talking about the ultimate confidence that erases fear.  The confidence of which I speak is confidence in God.  Confidence in God’s love for us and in the power of God’s love to overcome all evil, including fear.  If we are confident that God will handle things in God’s way and God’s time, then fear loses its power over us and we can claim the wonderful, audacious, extravagant future God has waiting ahead.

New Year’s Blessings to you.  Gretchen.

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Click here to email  Gretchen

Post by
Gretchen Switzer

Co-Author of “Finishing With Grace”

Tom Ehrich  posted this on his blog in November — it is a good guide and reminder for all of us in  the church.  I am re-posting it here today,  and tomorrow I will write a post based on these thoughts.  Tom Ehrich’s blog is morningwalkmedia.com.

November 4, 2011
Ten Signs of a “Fear-Driven Church”

By Tom Ehrich

Fear, as you know, can kill anything, from a marriage to a nation. Any community built on trust and mutual respect cannot long survive the corrosive and stifling impact of fear.
This is especially true in faith communities, where fragile and yet durable bonds enable people to work out their profound life issues in the company of people whom they didn’t choose as companions.
When fear stalks a faith community, people turn on each other, withdraw from the common life, become prickly about every little thing, and refuse to sacrifice anything.
Fear in a church can start in a single trauma – misconduct, embezzlement, violence, accident, failure, financial distress – and then feed on itself, until the point of origin is forgotten and all that remains is pervasive dread.

Ultimately, the cure for fear is faith. You can’t assemble facts or logic to “prove” fear out of existence. You can only choose to live boldly, without fear, and discover that God is faithful and even the worst cannot separate us from God. Easy to say, amazingly hard to do.

Church leaders are the key. Fearful leaders will produce a fearful congregation. When leaders say No to persistent efforts to make them afraid, fear’s hold loosens and confidence has room to breathe.

First step is to know that fear is winning. Leaders need to recognize these ten signs that theirs is a “fear-driven church.”

• Refusal to change is widespread and taken as normal (when change is actually a life force).

• Aversion to risk is considered prudent (when it’s actually a death-wish).

• Failure is used to blame, not to learn (guaranteeing ignorance).

• Avoiding conflict is deemed safe (when it actually ratchets up the danger).

• Calm and polite are valued more than dynamic and passionate (the “Botox effect”).

• Negative behavior gets rewarded in the hope it will stop (thereby assuring that it will continue).

• Fearful people try to keep their clergy afraid, off-balance, worried about their jobs, flinching when        the phone rings, craving approval (even though that fear renders them ineffective).

• The new and different are frozen out (as if homogeneity were a positive value and not self-defeating).

• Leaders make bad decisions about everything, from hiring to budgeting, from recruiting to communicating (as fear undermines their confidence, their willingness to discuss, their openness to reality).

• The community’s affect becomes glum and passive (because fear produces anger, and anger turned inward is depression).

If you see any of these signs in your church, you probably will see them all, if not now then soon. Name it, seek help for it, engage others in confronting fear, do something bold and audacious and see that fear is a distortion of what is real.

To Purchase “Finishing With Grace” click here

Click here to email  Gretchen

Wishing You All the Best This Holiday Season and Throughout the New Year

Gretchen and Linda