We all know the routine when it comes to church meetings. Whether it’s a meeting to discuss next year’s Sunday School curriculum or a heart wrenching meeting to discuss the future of your church, we can often predict other’s approaches to a discussion.

For better or worse – you know that Joe (the resident curmudgeon) will “harumph” over whatever is said. You know that Sally is talking just to hear herself. Fred will threaten to leave the room if people don’t see it “his way.” Tricia will rattle on and you know, just know, she has a personal agenda. Dick will sit back and not say anything throughout the meeting and then come up with a zinger of “But, have you considered . . .” just when everyone is tired and ready to go home.

If you’ve been with your congregation for a long time – been through a lot with your fellow parishioners – you can pretty much anticipate the direction some meeting participants will take.

You think “I  gotta love ‘em.”   But the truth is, we sometimes don’t really like them at all. There’s a line between participants in a congregational meeting being productive and a congregational gathering that is stuck – and annoying.

I suspect many a congregation has lost it’s battle for survival because they can’t get out of their own predictable ways – and because – sadly – they end up not liking each other very much. Making tough decisions is never easy – and if you throw in a growing lack of respect for each other, it’s just about impossible.

So what do you do?
• Look at yourself first. Are you the curmudgeon, the self server, the emotional blackmailer? Honestly – are you part of the problem? – do you contribute to your church’s inability to make decisions?

• Consider your depth of attachment to those dear, but frustrating people. Can you overlook their foibles? If you care enough to stay with the process, be patient, listen and try to be the voice of reason.

• Decide if you love your fellow church members enough to stay committed to them and the process. If you are sitting in meetings and seething the whole time, you’re pretty much wasting your time. If familiarity has truly bred contempt – perhaps it’s time to leave.

• Before you make a decision about abandoning your church because of the behavior of others, consider that they are only human. They are just like every other church member in every other church – and every other gathering of human beings.

• Get someone to help run the important meetings. In theory, your pastor should be a good facilitator. But sometimes the pastor is part of the problem. Sometimes a third party facilitator is needed to break deadlocks.

• Always remember that God is with you – and them – in this process.

Time and again, Gretchen and I will be talking to someone about our book and hear, “Well, my church is doing okay, but that poor church down the street could sure use some help. . . “  Or – “The church my cousin goes to is really struggling to survive.” Since the publication of Finishing with Grace, one of our frustrations has been finding churches in transition.  We have contacted denominational leadership, we have lead workshops, we have sent releases to newspaper religion editors and we have taken out ads.

That all works, but nothing works as well as hearing you say: “Have you heard about ________ – they could really use Finishing with Grace.”

Finishing with Grace is meant to be a guidebook – a support during the many stages of going through a church transition.  Feedback on the book is always positive.  It has made a difference for churches as they deal with change.  It has also proved invaluable as churches seek specific steps and actions around selling, merging, closing, moving and so on.

We need your help.  We need to know about that church down the street – your cousins church in New Mexico – that struggling church you read about in the newspaper.

We want to get  the word out about Finishing with Grace.  We want to help churches as they deal with sadness and struggle with difficult decisions.    Please contact us at info@finishingwithgrace.com with the names of churches down the street – we’ll take it from there.

Click here to email  Gretchen

Post by
Gretchen Switzer

Co-Author of “Finishing With Grace”

Since I first read Tom Ehrich’s blog on the “Ten Signs of  Fear-Driven Church,” his words have been rattling around in my mind and my heart.  Questions abound.  Here, I’ll be exploring some of my own questions and hope you will send yours along for Linda and me to address.

My first observation about Tom’s ideas of fear-driven churches is that when you are part of a congregation who is guided by fear, it is very hard to see, because you are in the middle of it yourself, and likely a victim of the fear all round you.   It’s kind of like looking around at your family when you’re a kid and trying to define the unique dysfunction that inhabits it. You may be able to spot some of the signs, but accurate self-diagnosis leading to effective change is virtually impossible.   Seeing your congregation as it truly is requires you to set aside your own agenda, and to take the rose-colored glasses off your face and put them down, in order to see clearly.  Discerning fear in your life together also requires you to be truly honest with yourself   and with others as well.  This is not always easy, especially in the church, because we think we cannot hurt anyone’s feelings.  However, God calls us to be truth-tellers and truth-accepters.  We have to be willing to see what is really going on and name it aloud, even at the risk of others anger, hurt or reprisal.    The use of a consultant or a transitional pastor who comes into the congregation with no set agenda and no vested interest in the outcome will often have clearer vision,  but if people are unwilling to hear the truth from each other, how much more unwilling will we be to accept the observations of somebody “new.”    Still, a perceived “outsider” may have more luck pointing out the troubles in your congregation in such a way that folks will be willing to, as Tom writes, “name it, seek help for it, engage other sin confronting fear, do something bold and audacious, and see that fear is a distortion of what is real.”

“Fear  is a distortion of what is real.”   When we really get into trouble with fear, when it becomes paralyzing, is when we believe that what we fear is a reality.  For instance, a congregation endures the trauma of a sexually abusive, inappropriate pastor who makes unwelcome advances or even has illicit relationships with members of the congregation.  Even if that individual is found out, punished, fired, and goes away, the fear that that kind of thing will happen again is so palpable that we can begin to think that any pastor who we might call to our church will do the same thing.  We are so fearful that we do not just worry that something might happen. We expect it to happen, or believe it is happening even if it is not.  So fear can distort what is real, and take on more power than what actually is true.

My overarching response to Tom’s discussion of the “Fear-Driven Church” is to ask myself, what is the opposite of fear?  If our church is not fearful, what will it look like and feel like?  Tom makes a quick reference to it when he says that “fear undermines…confidence.”  If fear makes us worry, then what is it that makes us not worry?  The answer is confidence.  Confidence is the opposite of fear.  And I would add
that we are not just talking about confidence in other human beings or confidence in the future or confidence that we are strong enough to withstand any problem.  I am talking about the ultimate confidence that erases fear.  The confidence of which I speak is confidence in God.  Confidence in God’s love for us and in the power of God’s love to overcome all evil, including fear.  If we are confident that God will handle things in God’s way and God’s time, then fear loses its power over us and we can claim the wonderful, audacious, extravagant future God has waiting ahead.

New Year’s Blessings to you.  Gretchen.

To Purchase “Finishing With Grace” click here

Click here to email  Gretchen

Post by
Gretchen Switzer

Co-Author of “Finishing With Grace”

Tom Ehrich  posted this on his blog in November — it is a good guide and reminder for all of us in  the church.  I am re-posting it here today,  and tomorrow I will write a post based on these thoughts.  Tom Ehrich’s blog is morningwalkmedia.com.

November 4, 2011
Ten Signs of a “Fear-Driven Church”

By Tom Ehrich

Fear, as you know, can kill anything, from a marriage to a nation. Any community built on trust and mutual respect cannot long survive the corrosive and stifling impact of fear.
This is especially true in faith communities, where fragile and yet durable bonds enable people to work out their profound life issues in the company of people whom they didn’t choose as companions.
When fear stalks a faith community, people turn on each other, withdraw from the common life, become prickly about every little thing, and refuse to sacrifice anything.
Fear in a church can start in a single trauma – misconduct, embezzlement, violence, accident, failure, financial distress – and then feed on itself, until the point of origin is forgotten and all that remains is pervasive dread.

Ultimately, the cure for fear is faith. You can’t assemble facts or logic to “prove” fear out of existence. You can only choose to live boldly, without fear, and discover that God is faithful and even the worst cannot separate us from God. Easy to say, amazingly hard to do.

Church leaders are the key. Fearful leaders will produce a fearful congregation. When leaders say No to persistent efforts to make them afraid, fear’s hold loosens and confidence has room to breathe.

First step is to know that fear is winning. Leaders need to recognize these ten signs that theirs is a “fear-driven church.”

• Refusal to change is widespread and taken as normal (when change is actually a life force).

• Aversion to risk is considered prudent (when it’s actually a death-wish).

• Failure is used to blame, not to learn (guaranteeing ignorance).

• Avoiding conflict is deemed safe (when it actually ratchets up the danger).

• Calm and polite are valued more than dynamic and passionate (the “Botox effect”).

• Negative behavior gets rewarded in the hope it will stop (thereby assuring that it will continue).

• Fearful people try to keep their clergy afraid, off-balance, worried about their jobs, flinching when        the phone rings, craving approval (even though that fear renders them ineffective).

• The new and different are frozen out (as if homogeneity were a positive value and not self-defeating).

• Leaders make bad decisions about everything, from hiring to budgeting, from recruiting to communicating (as fear undermines their confidence, their willingness to discuss, their openness to reality).

• The community’s affect becomes glum and passive (because fear produces anger, and anger turned inward is depression).

If you see any of these signs in your church, you probably will see them all, if not now then soon. Name it, seek help for it, engage others in confronting fear, do something bold and audacious and see that fear is a distortion of what is real.

To Purchase “Finishing With Grace” click here

Click here to email  Gretchen

Wishing You All the Best This Holiday Season and Throughout the New Year

Gretchen and Linda

Last week Gretchen and I did our first teleseminar.  It was somewhat disconcerting to broadcast live all across the United States for almost two hours with no pre-taping and no do-overs.  (Okay – I admit it – I don’t want to do that again anytime soon!)    But in the end – we made it through.

Based on our book, Finishing with Grace, we provided solid and useful information for churches in transition.  As in the book, Gretchen spoke to the needs of the congregation; I addressed practicalities.  Two other participants (a minister and an attorney from Texas) also spoke from their personal experiences and expertise.

The tele-seminar was organized by Church Realty and The Church Consultant Group of Plano, TX. A recording of that seminar and the slides are available (free) by going to http://attendthisevent.com/?eventid=24826125.

Now – here’s the rest of the story. Gretchen and I carefully scripted our portions of the program, but I think we would agree that the last 15 minutes (with questions from listeners from all over the United States) was especially poignant.  It’s clear that the need for books like Finishing with Grace is huge as more and more churches in the country face change.

Here are a few of the dozens of questions that are coming in from listeners:

• After a church had made the transition into a newly merged congregation, can you speak to the challenges of the first year post-merger? (i.e.: After the honeymoon is over)

• Lots of interesting facts and “nuts and bolts”, but what about emotions? How do you keep grieving, anger, frustrations, etc. from clouding your ability to making good business decisions?

• What advice would you give to a congregations that considers a merger with debt on one or both facilities?

• At some size, I would expect a farewell to members would be inappropriate. What size of congregation would you consider such a formal farewell to be appropriate?

• Are most mergers into one congregation, or just common ownership of a property? What advantages or disadvantages are there for these two options. I’m particularly thinking of theological or culture differences between the merging entities.

• How do you get help when things are not going so well. I am new pastor; how can I get resources to help?

One of the sadnesses around Finishing with Grace is the realization that so many churches are going through difficult times.  Thanks to this recent tele-seminar, more churches have become aware of resources that are available to them.

Please – if you hear of churches that are struggling, tell them about Finishing with Grace or refer them to the seminar website.  Although it’s difficult for a congregation to go through transition, help is available.

By the way, Gretchen was terrific as were the two other guest participants.  Did I mention that I don’t want to do a live seminar again?

What great fun it is when new opportunities present themselves where we can help churches think through major life and death decisions!  When Finishing With Grace first came out, there was a lull in reader response, but over the past few months Linda and I have been invited to take part in some exciting new projects!  We are now “coaches” for the Connecticut Conference, United Church of Christ, where we will be working with congregations who find themselves at  crossroads in their church lives that require them to make difficult decisions about their futures.  We will also be consulting with an American Baptist Church in Massachusetts as they explore the idea of a merger.

Our most exciting new project is the creation of an on-line seminar, “webinar”,  with Service Realty, a real estate firm out of Texas, that specializes in buying and selling church properties.  Service Realty and their Church Consultants firm are presenting a conversation about church mergers based on our book, Finishing With Grace.  Linda and I will be heard on the broadcast nationwide, along with other experts in the field.

Even better, you, our readers, are invited to attend the webinar and participate from your own computer and telephone!  We hope you will take the time to join us on Wednesday morning, December 7 at 11 AM (EST)/10 AM (CST).  The official invitation and the links to join us are provided below.  Get your questions answered, share your ideas, be a part of the conversation!  If you have any questions before the event, please send them to us via info@finishingwithgrace.com.  If you are unable to attend, please be aware that a recording of the conversation will be available to you following the webcast, http://TinyWebLink-001.com/?pid=6524126.

Invitation
Dear Friend,  we would like to invite you to take part in an on-line event based on our book,  Finishing With Grace:  A Guide to Selling, Merging or Closing Your Church.    We will be on the panel of experts discussing the options congregations have as they face changes in membership, money and/or energy.  Please  join us for this conversation on  Wednesday, December 7 at 11 AM Eastern Standard Time.  Please see the promotional  information below about registering and connecting  yourself to the event. Thanks,  Gretchen & Linda:

Mergers and Acquisitions?

Normally not a topic you would expect to hear in church conversation, However you would be surprised how often it is discussed today.

These have been some interesting times for many churches; Many churches are facing issues they never faced before.

More churches have been foreclosed or are facing financial difficulties like never before in modern history.

As many face these issues they are finding they need to consider solutions never discussed in the past.

This FREE teleseminar is open to any church anywhere.

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MORE INFO:
http://TinyWebLink-001.com/?pid=6524126
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Our panel includes pastors and  church leaders that have experienced a merger, authors of a book on church mergers, church consultants and attorney.

We will record the live panel discussion on Wednesday, December 7, 2011 at 10:00 a.m. CST and anticipate a 90 minute discussion

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Registration is FREE but seats are limited
http://TinyWebLink-001.com/?pid=6524126
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Feel free to forward this invitation to any church or organization that you think could benefit or contribute to our discussion.

We included Acquisitions the discussion because many are using this as a method of obtaining off site locations for their ministry.

If for some reason you cannot join us for the live call be sure you register to get access to the recording, which will be posted immediately following the conclusion of the live call.

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ACCESS TO THE RECORDING
http://TinyWebLink-001.com/?pid=6524126
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Sponsored by: Service Realty, Inc.
Produced by: TheChurchConsultants.com

Forward To a Friend:
http://app.icontact.com/icp/core/message/forward?m=746818&s=&c=11111&cid=324884

The unusual October snow storm that hit New England brought down power lines and left my town without power for several very cold days. I found it disconcerting – being without heat and power. I attributed a growing anxiety to my age and the awareness that my well balanced life was out of whack. Plus – there was a sense of isolation: neither house phone or cell phone would work and the only news was from my small transistor radio. I knew it was a bad, wide spread storm, but it wasn’t until my own power came back on that I realized the true devastation of this storm on the lives of so many people throughout many states.

My family in New York state were without power for a week. As I write this – 10 days after the storm – some communities are still struggling and many people remain in shelters. Hundreds of thousands of people suffered from this storm.

Which makes my grousing about being without power and heat for 48 hours seem minor and petty. Really – it’s hardly worth mentioning my personal angst when considering the bigger picture of all those impacted by the storm.

The reason I mention my experience – and my sense of disquiet – is because I believe there’s a parallel between having one’s personal world turn upside down by the unexpected – and the feelings that are evoked when one realizes their beloved church may have to close. Like me feeling isolated, I believe that many parishioners’ first reaction to their church facing closure is very personal. “This terrible change is impacting MY CHURCH, MY LIFE, MY UNIVERSE! I am the one who’s parents went to the church, who got married in this church, who worked on all the ham and bean suppers. What will I do?”

And then one day – during a service, in a committee meeting, talking to a friend – there is the realization that the pain and sadness is shared. “I’m not the only one losing my beloved church.” Other have equally fond memories – others are angry, upset, bereft and feeling lost.

When your church is facing a tough transition – it’s understandable to internalize. But then the next thought is “What will the congregation do?” Then consider: “What about our older members, our young adults, the children, our shut ins, the disenfranchised, our staff, future visitors – and the community as a whole.” All are diminished by a change to a religious community.

During the October storm, everyone hunkered during the snow and wind. When the storm cleared – we left our homes (often with shovels in hand) and began to check on one another – to help one another.

If your church is in transition – is facing a sale, a merger, a closure – your sense of being out of balance is understandable. But then step out and consider all the others who share your sadness – and need your strong support. And – in turn – will support you.

Post by
Gretchen Switzer

Co-Author of “Finishing With Grace”

For years I have been asked about the difference between religion and faith and I have never felt I have had a satisfactory answer. But the other day, I found a pretty great one: “In religion, people tell you what to believe. In faith, you figure it out for yourself.” (Tom Ehrich)

Religion is that thing which gives us a framework for sorting out our ideas about and our experiences of the divine. Religion gives us sacred words to describe spiritual experience. It relates our own very personal encounters with God to the historical teachings and stories found in scripture and the doctrines and rituals of our faith tradition. Religion gives us the context of a community in which to share our faith and learn from other people sharing theirs.

Faith is that thing some of us learned in childhood from adults who trusted God, who found strength in adversity, and who consistently taught us what they believed. Faith is also that thing inside many of us that we always kind of knew was there, but there was no one there to provide an example or give us ideas about God until we grew older. In either case, faith is that thing which grows inside us slowly, often without our even noticing it, until a profound event forces us to lean on it and thereby discover it is there.

Faith grows in as many different ways as there are individuals, and yet, the role of other people in teaching us, showing us, loving us is an ever-present part each faith story. We need each other to help us understand what faith is when we feel it; to give us language to describe it; to reflect back belief to us when we begin discovering we’ve developed it; to help us understand and learn how to express our experiences. The community often provided by “religion” becomes a catalyst and companion to spur us forward once that first spark of faith, trust, love, is lit by God.

Most Christians have properly sensed a difference between religiosity and faithfulness. While they are not the same thing, both are needed to help us fully realize our personal capacity for faith and to teach us how to move from faith to meaningful action.

To Purchase “Finishing With Grace” click here

Click here to email  Gretchen